This Too Shall Pass

I read a quote the other day that said, in so many words, that man is built to handle anything that life throws at him until the day he dies. As simple and potentially cliche as the quote sounds, it's actually profound. Each individual is built to handle anything that can possibly be thrown in his direction up until the day his body and soul give up. It's actually quite a hope filled statement. It gives the profound understanding that absolutely everything is manageable and most challenges are temporary.

My favorite movie of all time is Big Fish. It is the ultimate storyteller's movie. Everything about the film puts life in perspective, albeit a twisted perspective sometimes. In one of the scenes in the beginning of the film, the main character, Edward, then just a boy, goes to see the town "witch", who has the power to show people how they are going to die through her one glass eye. The boy sees how he is going to die, and after that, no obstacle is too big because he knows that he will come out the other end alive. Given, none of us can really now what the cause of our inevitable deaths will be, but it does shine a positive light on the times we think that we are broken. It lets us know that we can and will be fixed.

I haven't always had an easy time. Growing up I got picked on, in high school I didn't always fit in (and after high school, but it seems less important these days), I moved an ocean away from anything familiar, and I have spent the last three years in an army that is defending a country the size of New Jersey but with more enemies than the guy who turned Cookie Monster into the Veggie Monster. I have been through days where I am alone, and hurting, and broken into a million pieces. On those days, I admit, I didn't see the perspective of Big Fish. On those days, I felt as though the obstacle was too high for me to pass.

I am currently in a huge transition period. I previously mentioned that plans turn upside down, and that is exactly what happened to me. I am now in a state of limbo, between what is/was, and what will be. I find myself frustrated, now knowing what is coming next, and not knowing what to do other than twiddle my thumbs and hope that my efforts are paying off. I feel as though I am being broken down just so that I can build myself back up. And so, between the thumb twiddling and waiting, I must remind myself that this is temporary. This, too, shall pass. I was built to handle this because I am not going to perish from this. My spirit cannot be broken, at least not permanently.

At the end of Big Fish, Edward, now an old man, dies exactly the way he came into the world - in a story. All the hardships he faced in his life became the events that shaped his life. All the days that he felt broken became the days that he felt most alive. I think we can all learn something from that. On days like this when we question our purpose and our actions, we can be comforted by the fact that tomorrow is a new day, that be thankful that we were built to deal with whatever curve balls are thrown at us. This, too, shall pass, but enjoy it while it's here, because it will ultimately be one of the shaping events of your life.

Venn Diagrams in the Sand

When I was in officer training school, we had an educational day in which we could choose from any number of lessons and lectures to attend. I chose to attend a lesson on body language. Body language is fascinating in my opinion. The number of subconscious messages we are sending out at all times is infinite. As part of the lecture, the expert who came to teach us asked for a volunteer. A girl went up, and automatically checked that her shirt was tucked in and the rubber bands holding her pants above her boots were in tact. This is the first sign of discomfort in front of a crowd. When she was done rearranging herself in order to be presentable in front of the class, the lecturer asked her to stand with her feet together, hands at her sides, and to close her eyes. What happened next was pretty incredible. Automatically, her body started moving in circular motions. It was as if she was creating an imaginary circle in the sand that no one could come into. She was creating a circle of personal space. Because her eyes were closed, she had no physical way of knowing if someone was breaching her personal space, so her body automatically compensated by creating a personal circle that no one could cross. Man is programmed to guard his personal space, his circle in the sand.

I see this every day on the bus. Everyone tries to grab a seat or a handle that will keep him as far away as possible from his fellow passenger. No one makes eye contact unless it is completely necessary, and everyone sits with either arms, legs, or both crossed, body language which symbolizes being closed off and uninterested in human contact of any kind. I am guilty of this, too, on most days. However, there are those times when I cannot help but make conversation. I find people to be fascinating. Everyone is different. Everyone is headed somewhere. Everyone has a story. And for the most part, when I start a conversation, even the coldest of people suddenly become warm, because someone is interested. Personal space has been breached, but it's a positive breach. It's the kind of breach that widens the circle in the sand. As soon as we widen that circle, we open ourselves up to new people, new experiences, and the possibility of shared joy, which is really the best kind of joy.

So what am I saying here? Widen the circle in the sand, let someone in. Heck, make a Venn diagram with the circle of the person next to you. Reach out, because you really never know you'll come across.

Man Plans, But Tough Shit

As a general rule, I don't believe in horoscopes. I find them to be pretty ridiculous, and just general enough that anybody reading them can relate somehow. The stars are astronomy, and the course of our days, weeks, or months are, as earlier stated, an outcome of the decisions we make.

This week, though, on a slow morning in the office, we decided to read our horoscopes. The horoscope said that the course I had planned for myself would be turned upside down, completely changed, a 180 transformation. Lo and behold, that's exactly what happened to me this week. My future plans went out the window, and everything changed so rapidly that I had hardly had time to digest it.

I generally don't like the phrase "man plans and G-d laughs" because I don't believe that there is a higher power that plans for us. Though, it is amazing what happens when man plans. I have always been the kind of person who sets a very clear path for myself. Sure, the plan isn't generally mainstream, but it's a plan nonetheless. While G-d might not be laughing, the universe and the many human connections that we have each day are running on a different path, "laughing" at the attempt to pave a new path that isn't meant to be paved. Really, the phrase should be that "man plans, but tough shit". As much as I can plan, the path that I'm paving might not be meant to be.

I have a poster hanging in my room with a John Lennon quote, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans". The quote used to annoy me a bit, because as I said, I'm a planner. But I'm starting to understand Mr. Lennon a little better. While I'm planning, life is happening outside, and inevitably changing my plans.

So plans turn upside down before they have the chance to play out. That's why life is dynamic. Something is always changing, turning around, falling through. But when that happens, another path is being paved in a different direction, and it's not so bad to explore new paths.

I still don't believe in horoscopes. But I do appreciate the lesson I received from mine this week. It's okay that plans change, it just makes for a more exciting future.

Smile Like a Crazy Person

Every morning, my alarm goes off at 6:20, I get out of bed, brush my teeth, get in uniform, and get out the door at 6:45. Then I take a bus to the central bus station, and another bus to my base. Then it's a full day of work followed by those same two bus rides, only in reverse order. It makes for a long day, especially in the summer with the heat of this Mediterranean country. But in spite of all that, there are those days when I'm on the bus, whether it be the first or the third or even the fourth, and I find myself nodding my head to the beat of the music from my phone and smiling like a crazy person.

The smile is a pretty crazy phenomenon, as is the laugh. The body has natural reactions to everything. Happiness, sadness, anger, nervousness. But there is something about a smile that blows me away. It's the gateway to a persons inner most beauty. Especially when it's on a bus early in the morning or after a long day in the office. At those hours, most people are either trying to sleep through the jerky traffic, or trying to avoid all human contact because they're either too tired to deal or too hot and sweaty from the earlier mentioned Mediterranean heat. But then there's me. The blonde one smiling like a crazy person.

It is a very affirming smile. It is the smile of all smiles. It's the same crazy smile that a person gets at mile 12.5 of a half marathon. It's a smile of success and of victory. It's a smile that tells you that you're doing the right thing. It's uncontrollable, it's completely and totally captivating, and it's permanent, even if it only lasts a few seconds.  

So here's what I'm trying to say: at the least expected times on the least expected days, and when you're hot and sweaty or freezing your ass off, or even when you're so tired that your eyelids weigh more than life itself, smile like a crazy person. Even throw a little dance in there, it can't hurt.

Dilemmas and Decisions

I am always amazed by the amount of decisions people make each day. The mere daily act of getting out of bed and starting the day is ultimately a decision. We have the choice the stay in bed, be late to work or school, even not to show up, potentially losing a paycheck, or failing a test. It's each individual's choice. From there it's already what clothes to wear (life is easier in uniform in this case), what to have for breakfast, so on and so forth. All theses inner "dilemmas" go unnoticed most of the time. Our brains are trained to make decisions automatically. We don't register the fact that each one of our decisions, however small and seemingly unimportant, shapes the rest of our day, our week, and at the end of the day, our lives.

I know, it sounds heavy. And can drive a person crazy. When every step we take during the course of our lives suddenly has immense meaning, every step we take also becomes stressful and daunting. That's why our brains make most of the decisions for us. The hard decisions at the end of the day are the ones that our brains cannot make alone. Our hearts and intuitions pitch in with the process. 

Since I was a little girl, I have always been curious about people's stories. I have always wondered where the drivers in the cars next to me on the road are going, I have always wondered where the person sitting next to me on the bus is going to get off and who they are going to meet. I find it to be fascinating. It makes me wonder if our paths have ever crossed before, or if they will ever cross again. It's even more fascinating to me that every single one of the hundreds of people that each of us comes into contact with each day makes hundreds of decisions every day, and because of those decisions, our paths are now crossing. This reminds me of all the debates I had throughout my education about fate and free will. How much control do we actually have over the decisions we make and the outcomes of our dilemmas? When I was a little girl, I imagined G-d as someone up in the sky with billions of hands and a giant remote control, guiding our every move, and our every decision. Today, I see "G-d" as Martin Buber sees "G-d": a moment in time when an eternal connection is made with every living being on earth. "G-d" isn't a being, it's a giant crossing of paths. It's a moment in time that we are brought to as an outcome of the decisions we made to get there. Martin Buber calls this moment the "Eternal Thou" (from the book "I and Thou", highly recommended). I believe that this moment is completely and totally in our hands. The decisions that I make throughout the day are made not because the are meant to be made in some grand scheme of things. Rather, decisions are made because somewhere deep inside of each individual is his or her intuition, and intuition is not run by fate. It is only when I find myself in moments of "Eternal Thou", a grand connection with the world, that I validate the decisions that I have made. I know that I have stepped on the right paths up until now, even if at the time I stepped onto them, they seemed wrong.

So start each day by making the decision to get up and get out there. Hope that that's the hardest decision you will have to make that day. And find the giant crossing of paths. Who knows? Maybe you will even change the life of another decision maker out there...

Never Done Writing

A few months ago, I wrote a last post in a former blog called "Falafel and Fatigues". My "aliyah story" is over. But as it turns out, I can't stop writing. Life is dynamic and as such the keyboard must be dynamic. As cliche as it might sound, life truly is a continuing story. Every second of every day we make decisions that will change another decision somewhere down the road. No two moments are exactly the same just as no two stories are exactly the same. So my aliyah story is over, now it's just my life story. In my opinion, every story is worth telling. My goal is to tell the stories that I come across from day to day. To get them out there. So here goes.......